The LA Fox Developer Newsletter

April 1998

A Little Humor...

Just How Many Different Ways

Can You Say It?

Contributed by Brad Schulz, CIS 76640,152

Actual quotes from Federal employee performance evaluations:

“Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has

started to dig.”

“His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid

curiosity.”

“I would not allow this employee to breed.”

“This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of

a definite won’t be.”

“Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like

a rat in a trap.”

“When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to

change whichever foot was previously in there.”

“He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.”

“This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”

“She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to

achieve them.”

“This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the

better.”

“This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”

These are lines out of the OER (Officer Efficiency Report-

performance appraisal for the military):

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching

A room temperature IQ.

Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all

together.

A gross ignoramus — 144 times worse than an ordinary ignora-

mus.

A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

A prime candidate for natural deselection.

Bright as Alaska in December.

One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.

Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

Fell out of the family tree.

Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t

coming.

Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

He’s so dense, light bends around him.

If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate.

If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a

week.

If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

It’s hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

One neuron short of a synapse.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.

Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

DevCon Pre-Conference (Con't from page 1)

smooth path to client-server for the Visual FoxPro developer in

two ways. First, Visual FoxPro can access and manipulate

SQL server tables. Second, you can use the Visual FoxPro

upsizing Wizard to migrate your application’s back-end to

Microsoft SQL Server, while keeping the interface local in VFP.

This seminar is designed to get you ready for the client-server

sessions at the conference. You’ll learn SQL Server architec-

ture, development methods, version 6.5 enhancements, and

more.

Web Basics with Microsoft FrontPacie 98 Jumø Start

Sunday 2:3Opm-4:3Opm

FREE Software: Microsoft FrontPage 98

Visual FoxPro developers have been long accustomed to

developing applications using rapid application development

(RAD) principals. FrontPage 98 is the RAD development tool for

the Internet. In this session you’ll learn how you can use

Microsoft FrontPage 98 to get your Web site up and running in

a rapid manner. You’ll learn how to create a fully functional site

using the FrontPage wizards, how to use the WYSIWYG web

development editor that comes with FrontPage, how to build

data entry screens with validation included and how FrontPage

simplifies moving your sites to the Web with just a few clicks.

2nd Annual Southern California Visual FoxPro Conference

The B.A.E. Program

This year, we’re trying something rather unique.. .the “Bring A

Friend” program, or B.A.F. It’s quite simple. Here’s how it

works:

There is a blank line on the new registration form, labeled

“Referred by

You will receive a $25 rebate for each conference registrant that

references you on this line. You could conceivably go to the

conference for free.

However, there are rules:

* The person being referenced must be registered by no later

than August 16, 1998.

* Rebates cannot be used to discount regular registration costs.

* Once the registration is received, the “referred by” cannot be

changed.

* Only one name allowed on the “referred by”.

Rebate checks will be made out to whomever is referenced on

the “referred by” line of the registration. (It is your responsibility

to determine whether the rebate is directed towards you or your

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