The LA Fox Developer Newsletter

July2000

Humor from the ‘Net

Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory

being sized up by God.

“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether

to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously

helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in

the world - yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I’m going

to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going

to let you decide where you want to go.”

Bill replied, “Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference between

thetwo?”

God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will

help you make a decision.”

“Fine, but where should I go first?”

God said, “I’m going to leave that up to you.

Bill said, "OK, then, let’s try Hell first.” So Bill went to Hell. He

saw a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There

were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in

the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining

and the temperature was perfect.

Bill was very pleased. “This is great!” he told God, "If this is Hell,

I REALLY want to see Heaven!”

"Fine," said God, and off they went.

Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting

about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing

as Hell.

Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision.

"Hmm, I think I prefer Hell” he told God.

“Fine,” returned God, “as you desire.” So Bill Gates went to

Hell.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire

to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he

found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames

in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.

“How’s everything going, Bill?” God asked.

Bill responded - his voice full of anguish and disappointment,

“This is awful not at all what I expected. I can’t believe this

happened. What became of that other place with the beaches

and the beautiful women playing in the water?”

God replied, “That was the screen saver.

Undocumented FoxProNFP

Functions

Part 2 of 3

by Bill Anderson

SET(”MACHELP”)

Returns “DISABLED”, regardless of the prior SET MACHELP

setting.

SET(”MBLOCK”)

Returns the previous setting of SET MBLOCK, multiplied by 64.

Unless MBLOCK is set to 1, then this function returns 1.

SET(”Menu”)

This returned the On or Offsetting of the editor menu in

dBaselll+. Has no meaning forVFP but it doesn’t generate an

error, either.

SET(”Pause”)

For compatibility with dBaselV.

SET(”PRECISION”)

This function returns 16 no matter what you do.

SET(”SQL”)

This function always returns “ON”, even if you precede it with

SET SQL OFF.

SET(”TITLES”)

Returns the SET TITLE setting.

SET(”TRAP”)

This function always returns “ON”, even if you precede it with

SET TRAP OFF.

SET(”XCMDFILE”)

This should return the value set by SET XCMDFILE. You can

set SET XCMDFILE to a file, but the above function to retrieve it

generates an error.

Gofigure.

SYS(101 1)

Here’s a function that’s been around for a while, apparently

since the existence of VFP. Supposedly, this function returns

the number of memory handles in use. Useful for diagnosing

memory leaks...

SYS(1020)

This function made it’s first appearance in version 1.02 of Fox. I

wonder if the name of the function and the version were not a

coincidence. We may never know this one. This function returns

“Resuming Normal Operation” in the status bar. These functions

work and sometimes they don’t, depending on the version of

Fox or VFP you’re running.

SYS(1 021)

This function made it’s first appearance in version 1.02 of Fox.

(Con’t, page 4)

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